How not to write a sales letter and STILL make money

Today, I received a piece of direct mail from a company that has a luxury many businesses lack: they have a mailing list of thousands of names in a high profile niche, a niche that spends millions of dollars every year on marketing, branding, and share of mind development.

I don’t know about you but I know of marketing people who would sell their grandmothers to get their hands on a list like this!

I won’t name the company that sent the mailing but they had a golden opportunity to impress not just me, but roughly 4,500 other people, all of whom recently visited a well-known and highly regarded expo that this year was held in a major East coast city.

Now, this particalr audience weren’t just from the U.S.: people flew in to attend this five day shin dig from all over the world.

To give you an idea of just how much impact this audience of 4,500 souls had on the local economy, according to the Convention & Visitors Bureau of the city in question, over a five day period, conference attendees clocked up roughly 11,000 hotel room nights and pumped nearly three grand apiece into the local economy.

Put another way, conference attendees brought in almost $13.3 million. So here, we’re not talking pocket change. These people spend money. A lot of it.

So, the package from the company in question contained a sales letter printed in full colour on one side, a 24 page black and white saddle stitched price list, and a 20 page full colour brochure.

All very nifty looking, but all utterly wasted.

Here’s why:

First of all, I didn’t attend the expo. But they addressed one package to me, and another to my asssitant. They used a translucent envelope with a sticker on that had the smallest address type I’ve ever seen.

So, those were the first things that ticked me off.

But it got worse.

Their letter, dated June 8 took three and ahalf weeks to arrive and addressed me as, and I quote:

“Dear (Industry) Friend and 2009 (ABC Organization) Annual Meeting & Expo Attendee”

Think I’m joking?

Trust me, this is my livelihood: I don’t joke about stuff like this. The letter went on to tell me about their company, not once, not twice, not even three times.

No. This puppy was going for the jackpot. Why? Because this letter told me about them THIRTEEN TIMES! And it ended with a sign off that would have David Ogilvy spinning in his grave because it ended with, quote:

“Sincerely,

(Company) [Industry] Displays Team”

Well, after all that, I’ll tell you, I was reaching for the phone and my credit card.

No. Not really.

There was no:

  1. Headline,
  2. Personalized greeting,
  3. Story about me,
  4. Social proof,
  5. Offer,
  6. Deadline,
  7. Call to action,
  8. Sign off from anyone with a heartbeat,
  9. Date when they’d follow up,
  10. Postscript repeating the offer, deadline, etc.,

So there was no engagement. No relationship, no seduction, no … anything really.

But you can bet your boots they’ll be calling pretty soon to find out how I can give them money! And this is a company that claims it serves the Americas, Europe, the Middle East, and Asia. God help them.

But let’s look at the potential here, because in this, there’s a serious lesson for anyone  with a list who has half a brain and an ability to write a half decent sales letter.

Let’s be generous and say that as bad as their letter is, that the company in question generates orders from 5 percent of its mailing list. Solid, qualified orders. Like the sound of that? I know I do. But it gets better. The average price in their catalogue is about $700.

                       5 percent of 4,500 = 225 orders, X $700 = $157,500. 

$157,500 from one crappy letter!

Even if we cut their conversion and order rate in half, they still make $78,750 from one mailing. OK, so the revenue is hypothetical, but the point is a sound one. It’s NOT that you can do a half-baked job on your sales letter and STILL make money. The point is that you can write an even better letter and create a lasting, enduring relationship from customers who become repeat customers.

Any why might they become repeat customers? 

Because you gave them a:

  1. Compelling headline,
  2. Personalized greeting from your segmented list,
  3. Story or connection about their needs,
  4. List of testimonials (social proof) from people just like them,
  5. Compelling offer that was too good to pass on and that connected to a
  6. Urgent deadline, which in turn led to an urgent
  7. Call to action,
  8. Sign off from anyone with a heartbeat who signed their own name,
  9. Date when they’d follow up,
  10. Postscript repeating the offer, deadline, etc.,

If this company can do a half baked job and still make money, you can do an even better job and do even better. What are you waiting for? Go write a letter.